Cake, Custard and Cowpats

No, this is not a new cookbook by the superb Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall (though I would buy it if he wrote it). Instead, it is a user's guide to these three essential ingredients of comedy.

The cake is brought to you, rather squishily since he appears to keep it in his pockets, by the erudite and cultivated Mr. Anthony Saunders, who I sincerely hope has not been eaten by his dog. (Post updated to confirm that Anthony is safe and well. Just as well, really. I knew a lurcher who once took down a deer and was snacking off it for days, unbeknownst to its owner, during which time the farmer, unbeknownst to the dog, sprayed the entire field including the deer with a substance that was not intended to be kind to the outsides of deer or the insides of lurchers.)

The custard is courtesy of the charming Ms. S. J. Heckscher-Mockingbird (no relation, to my knowledge, of the aforementioned Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall, despite the understandable confusion between their names). Its protagonist is, I fear, just the sort of dignity-free zone who would keep cake in his pockets.

The cowpat is even more distinguished than those which adorn Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall's fields, supplied to us as it is by my esteemed celestial correspondent St. Eustace.

A little-known fact about St. Eustace, as recorded on his Wikipedia entry, is that he is one of the patron saints of Madrid. Keefie, Paul, Hannah and any other expats out there in Spain - I recommend you read your patron saint's offering without delay, lest he smite you with a thunderbolt (or worse still, with a cowpat). Another little-known fact recorded in the same place is that St. E. is "completely fabulous". The same could be applied to all three of these books.

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This intriguing public service broadcast has been brought to you by Mr Abu El Banat... who forms part of a select coterie of esteemed persons on Authonomy.... he's a Reader... (bless you love....), and was simply too good to miss!

Besides what would Christmas be without a cowpat or two....

Unreasonably Excited

by my curious success in the art of the ninja mockingbird plug.... thought I would stick up some more of my work in my notes on Facebook and see what folk think.... so be prepared for a minor flood of short stories and fanfic stuff over the next few weeks. As I've said before, Fanfic is one of the places I do my thinking, and bench testing of occasional ideas.

Garalt has given me a new target for some of my writing (thanks mate...) which is all well and good, because quite aside from being the Queen of Starting and Never Quite Finishing, I am also the Queen of Procrastination.... so Easter 2009 gives me a good head start for actually finishing stuff.

I have sort of decided that Cats, Custard and Consequences, The Siren's Guide to Sushi and the barely started Split Screen will probably be my focus for Easter 2009. Mainly because Cats and Siren are the furthest advanced (other than Half Light) and Split Screen has a slightly different purpose. Split Screen I need to write fully, because I intend developing it in two directions, firstly as a novel, and secondly as a television film script..... Ambitious? Well why not? Dream big.... it's always best to dream big!

And finally, I would like to thank the Quintet of Ladies who have been very encouraging and extremely helpful in my attempts to get published! Pam, Danielle, Sofia, Tashya and Laura, you've all been total stars!! Fanks!!!

And now for something....

that looks like hard work... The pulling Half Light all together into a coherent book and actually ordering it all into proper chapters. This morning I picked up the first chunk of my ms, and went for it..... chop, chop. That felt really good.

Five pages, Chapter one, all present, not quite correct, but getting there. I'm sitting here, smelling that road again...... if you've ever driven out along the A13 towards Barking and Dagenham, and then headed for the Dagenham Car Boot Sale on a Sunday, that waste ground by the river, then you'll know what that smell is like. The weird bit, there's a cafe almost directly opposite the waste processing plant...... I dunno about you, but that smell would definitely put me off my bacon butty!

So, back to the grind. Making it darker, more mysterious, banishing the fantasy bits which weren't working at all, and getting down to the gritty heart of it, love and betrayal. I know quite a lot about those two.

And I can't forget my other stuff. Courtesy of the incomparable Mr Simon Forward (and yes, Simon, your thread on Authonomy's forum put the idea into my head, so I am blaming you for this one!) I had the wickedest idea for a book/script that I have ever had in my life. If I can pull it all together, it has winner stamped quite large upon it.

Of course, there's Cats, Custard and Consequences. I am reliably informed that cats and custard are now irretrievably linked in the minds of some of my readers...... a happenstance which seems to disturb some slightly. Never mind dear, it's only a book! I am not suggesting that you make something nourishing out of the cats and the custard.