The first time I read this I knew that this project was going to be huge. The book has a dramatic sweep which boggles the mind. There is nothing small about this idea. As Gary himself says I am developing a project that will have the same impact upon the literary, gaming and online markets as The Harry Potter Series.
The Fifth Kingdom goes live at Easter 2009. You heard it here first.... for sneak previews head to Authonomy: The Fifth Kingdom.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Marcus Trefoil and the Tea Cosy of Doom
or "I'm Puce With Envy". Not only is this the funniest thing I have read in years (mental note to self, the consumption of beverages is incompatible with the reading of side splittingly funny books), as the shower of coffee that hit my laptop screen will testify, but it's genius is the plug has seen it rise 1941 places in two days with 36 bookshelves to its credit, a plug which began before it even appeared on our screens. Abu, my old china... you've cracked it. You've found the key to the kingdom.
Now you would have thought that a book written solely as an extremely ingenious way to plug another book, might just be a sort of half cocked attempt at humour, and promptly remain in the doldrums at the bottom of the pile. Not a bit of it. Markie is one of the funniest things I have ever read.... never mind that opening statement.... it's also beautifully and incisively observed. People have read out of curiosity and backed out of sheer unadulterated admiration (and perhaps a little carpet biting envy!).
If you don't believe me, follow the link, Marcus Trefoil and the Tea Cosy of Doom, taking care to put all beverages out of harm's way. You won't be disappointed. Exhausted, and with a curious ache in the region of your stomach muscles perhaps.
Now you would have thought that a book written solely as an extremely ingenious way to plug another book, might just be a sort of half cocked attempt at humour, and promptly remain in the doldrums at the bottom of the pile. Not a bit of it. Markie is one of the funniest things I have ever read.... never mind that opening statement.... it's also beautifully and incisively observed. People have read out of curiosity and backed out of sheer unadulterated admiration (and perhaps a little carpet biting envy!).
If you don't believe me, follow the link, Marcus Trefoil and the Tea Cosy of Doom, taking care to put all beverages out of harm's way. You won't be disappointed. Exhausted, and with a curious ache in the region of your stomach muscles perhaps.
Friday, 16 January 2009
POD...The New Year's Shock Email
I've got very mixed feelings about this. I received the email from Authonomy as part of an exclusive crowd of approximately a couple of thousand. Some are angry, some are excited, me? I'm confused.
On one hand, a most attractive offer, it has HC behind it (as the owners of Authonomy), it offers you the chance to get into print (and isn't that what we all really want?). On the other hand, POD takes you book out of the running to get it in the hands of someone who might want to publish it in a conventional way.
Then there's the question of who will buy. Who will buy? Auth is mostly composed of other writers. So, other writers, friends, family and who else?? I would like to think that a few complete strangers who have never put pen to paper in the cause of writing a book would like to buy mine, and read it, may be release it into the wild to allow other complete strangers to enjoy it.
But.... this little voice keeps whispering in my ear.... you could get published in a month or so... quite seductive that little voice!
I'm going to stick to the game plan. Almost certainly. I've been too good at dilly-dallying and taking the wrong path before. I want my shot at a contract, and even if I have a pile of rejection slips at the end of it, I will have taken my best shot first.
On one hand, a most attractive offer, it has HC behind it (as the owners of Authonomy), it offers you the chance to get into print (and isn't that what we all really want?). On the other hand, POD takes you book out of the running to get it in the hands of someone who might want to publish it in a conventional way.
Then there's the question of who will buy. Who will buy? Auth is mostly composed of other writers. So, other writers, friends, family and who else?? I would like to think that a few complete strangers who have never put pen to paper in the cause of writing a book would like to buy mine, and read it, may be release it into the wild to allow other complete strangers to enjoy it.
But.... this little voice keeps whispering in my ear.... you could get published in a month or so... quite seductive that little voice!
I'm going to stick to the game plan. Almost certainly. I've been too good at dilly-dallying and taking the wrong path before. I want my shot at a contract, and even if I have a pile of rejection slips at the end of it, I will have taken my best shot first.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Christmas (Dog's) Dinner
Now those who know me, know only too well that cooking is not my forte. It just isn't. There isn't any particular explanation for it, other than however many programmes on the subject I watch, I never seem to get any better at it. But Christmas dinner presents a whole new disaster all its own.
Rome was not burnt in a day.... and it taketh time to burn ye joint!
Of course, Dan is one of the other little unexpected hazards of Christmas day. He gets up to all his usual tricks, and then a few you haven't previously thought of. He nearly had the turkey. Twice. There is nothing he will not nick. Yes, the Brussel sprouts are just as at risk as the turkey, though being a meat eater, obviously the turkey and assorted trimmings are his primary objective. Whatever I do, a long(ish) white muzzle with some cute ginger speckles and a damp black boot button on top is by my side. Permanently raised, the black boot button has developed this most expressive quiver. He's got it down to a fine art, the boot button quivers, the whiskers twitch, the ears go back, and he makes food face at me. And he can keep this up for hours.
Now where does it say in any receipe that you need to watch out for the dog being cute....?
Rome was not burnt in a day.... and it taketh time to burn ye joint!
Of course, Dan is one of the other little unexpected hazards of Christmas day. He gets up to all his usual tricks, and then a few you haven't previously thought of. He nearly had the turkey. Twice. There is nothing he will not nick. Yes, the Brussel sprouts are just as at risk as the turkey, though being a meat eater, obviously the turkey and assorted trimmings are his primary objective. Whatever I do, a long(ish) white muzzle with some cute ginger speckles and a damp black boot button on top is by my side. Permanently raised, the black boot button has developed this most expressive quiver. He's got it down to a fine art, the boot button quivers, the whiskers twitch, the ears go back, and he makes food face at me. And he can keep this up for hours.
Now where does it say in any receipe that you need to watch out for the dog being cute....?
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Christmas TV ....."The Bill" and other ramblings...
Okay. I admit it... The way me and my parent survive each other, especially over Christmas, is the television. Unfortunately, my sky box went walkabout about the same time as my former husband did... nil desperandum... we have four and a half channels to play with! I say half, because channel five is more of a radio station gained... we still have problems with picture.
Which leads me neatly (as ever) to the subject of entertainment. It is curious what tv producers, tv companies and tv channels view as Christmas entertainment. I'm seriously wondering which member of the brains trust came up with a storyline in which the bridegroom is run down by a vengeful van driver, and dies in the arms of his bride. Yikes.... luvverly... (so glad I don't watch that stuff).
Being stuck with four and a half channels, you learn to really appreciate the absolutely fantastic stuff when it comes along. The Bill Christmas Special for instance. The Bill has been around for twenty five years, which is some kind of pedigree and the Christmas episodes were promised to be something special.
They delivered. In a big way. Now I've been watching this show since the very first pilot Woodentop, and a few times over the years I've been left wondering if The Bill had finally jumped the shark. The answer on the last four episodes showing is an emphatic NO! Even the write ups in the tv listings agreed... this was fantastic stuff... although, the crack about Stuart looking like a startled chipmunk is an image that I haven't been able to shake for a week - Thanks, Radio Times!!
Santa's Little Helper and the three parter, Too Hot to Handle had the lot, drugs, guns, mayhem, motorbikes, a sexy bad boy in leathers... and Stuart and Stevie! Now DS Stuart Turner (Doug Rao) has gained somewhat of a reputation for being a bit of a metrosexual glory boy who thinks he's Mr Supercool and is about as deep as clingfilm, whereas DC Stevie Moss (Lucy Speed) has become the girl that everyone wants as their best friend, sparky, funny, scatty, apparently an open book, and I won't go too deeply into what the fanship thinks.....
So in theory, you know how they're going to react.... right? From the moment that Stevie goes back undercover to resume her relationship with bad boy Rob Towler, the whole operation starts to go into meltdown, and there's that nice helpful Geordie cop who travels all the way down from Manchester just to help them with their little crisis, only from the minute he arrives, things get worse.... not better!
Stuart, far from trying to cover his own backside in spectacular fashion, goes on a one man mission to save Stevie from he's not sure what, he's gonna save the girl if it toasts his own career doing it, because she saved him once and he owes her! Stevie's torn two ways at once, she's a copper, but she has deep feelings for the bad boy... especially when she finds out that he went to prison for something that he didn't do. The romantics amongst us loved every second of all that.
The two concluding parts are told from two separate points of view, Stuart's aspect and then Stevie's, and we get to see how each step of the puzzle fits together. With outstanding performances from Doug and Lucy, and the guest stars Bill Ward and Michael Hodgson, and fantastic support from DCI Jack Meadows (Simon Rouse), DI Neil Manson (Andrew Lancel), DC Jo Masters (Sally Rogers) who have all achieved legendary status amongst the fans, and not forgetting DC Grace Dasari (Amita Dhiri) and TDC Will Fletcher (Gary Lucy).... these four episodes delivered on everything, tension, story, acting, the lot...proving that The Bill has got its mojo back...and even if flashback is a slightly cheesy device, if that's the quality you can deliver, we want more of it. Trust me, a small deluge of fanfic and increased interest in TB can only result!
Anyway... no more TB until New Year's Eve....*sniffs*... leaving me just the joys of Midsomer Murders (Causten must be the safest market town in the UK... no one dies if they live in Causten) and Dr Who, plus my sizeable collection of DVDs to get through until then.
So the theory is, that I will roll up my sleeves and dig into all the writing and editing that I've been carefully and cheerfully avoiding doing. My time on Authonomy is going to be limited going forward. I will do as I have said, update my chapters of Cats, Custard and Consequences, possibly take down Half Light, certainly work on it. Work on my short story, work on Domina (heaven alone knows where that one is going to go!?) and generally do a bit of grooming and de-frag this old battleship of a laptop because it gets slower every day.
Authonomy has been an amazing, and for the most part, fun ride, where I have met some truly amazing, talented, and thoroughly wonderful people. It has enriched my life and friendship circle, but not done (I suspect) a whole lot for my dream of getting published. I've learnt a lot though. Not the least that trolls do exist... you will meet quite a lot of them in Authonomy, while some of them may actually just be yanking your chain, some of them have missed the essential truism, that in there they are just like all the rest of us, wannabes stalking that coveted top five slot for the Editors' Desk. Anyway, Richard, Simon, Simon, MM, Abu, Ali, Kate, Gina, Gillian, Oli, Alexander, Cutley, Jobo, Sian, Sharon, PJ, Dave, Ed, April, Heikki, Annia, Jak, Lexi, AJ, Hannah, Corinna, Philip, Merlin, William, Alice, Bigfoot, Kylyra, Bob, Diane, Lauri, KR, Kimberley, Windy, Gar, Robb, Katrina, Liam, Patty, MacDibble, Colt, Jase, Amethyst, Miranda, Sandrine, Ginger and Shark Bait (in no particular order).. I salute you all .... for making my time on Auth worthwhile, and laughing at my ms and not just at my punctuation.... and for giving me fantastic books to read, be wowed by and generally fall in love with.
And I shouldn't forget my friends in all this, especially the ones who have stuck by my torrent of writing and given me the necessary push to stick my head above the parapet and do something about the dream instead of just moaning about it. So cheers and lurrvvvve to Pam, Danielle, Sofia, Laura M, Lucy, Alan, and special hugs to my mate Tash, who is as talented as she is loveable... all of you are amazing and I love all of you to bits.... spesh my little muse.... and my twin goddesses of wickedness... and Christopher, Pauli, Sheila and Timmi! Then there are the wonderful published ladies, Lorelei, Philippa, Julie, Nell, Catherine and Rosie...
So Merry Christmas to you all... I love all of you guys.... and now I'm gushing mostly because I started writing this at midnight and it's now two a.m.
Which leads me neatly (as ever) to the subject of entertainment. It is curious what tv producers, tv companies and tv channels view as Christmas entertainment. I'm seriously wondering which member of the brains trust came up with a storyline in which the bridegroom is run down by a vengeful van driver, and dies in the arms of his bride. Yikes.... luvverly... (so glad I don't watch that stuff).
Being stuck with four and a half channels, you learn to really appreciate the absolutely fantastic stuff when it comes along. The Bill Christmas Special for instance. The Bill has been around for twenty five years, which is some kind of pedigree and the Christmas episodes were promised to be something special.
They delivered. In a big way. Now I've been watching this show since the very first pilot Woodentop, and a few times over the years I've been left wondering if The Bill had finally jumped the shark. The answer on the last four episodes showing is an emphatic NO! Even the write ups in the tv listings agreed... this was fantastic stuff... although, the crack about Stuart looking like a startled chipmunk is an image that I haven't been able to shake for a week - Thanks, Radio Times!!
Santa's Little Helper and the three parter, Too Hot to Handle had the lot, drugs, guns, mayhem, motorbikes, a sexy bad boy in leathers... and Stuart and Stevie! Now DS Stuart Turner (Doug Rao) has gained somewhat of a reputation for being a bit of a metrosexual glory boy who thinks he's Mr Supercool and is about as deep as clingfilm, whereas DC Stevie Moss (Lucy Speed) has become the girl that everyone wants as their best friend, sparky, funny, scatty, apparently an open book, and I won't go too deeply into what the fanship thinks.....
So in theory, you know how they're going to react.... right? From the moment that Stevie goes back undercover to resume her relationship with bad boy Rob Towler, the whole operation starts to go into meltdown, and there's that nice helpful Geordie cop who travels all the way down from Manchester just to help them with their little crisis, only from the minute he arrives, things get worse.... not better!
Stuart, far from trying to cover his own backside in spectacular fashion, goes on a one man mission to save Stevie from he's not sure what, he's gonna save the girl if it toasts his own career doing it, because she saved him once and he owes her! Stevie's torn two ways at once, she's a copper, but she has deep feelings for the bad boy... especially when she finds out that he went to prison for something that he didn't do. The romantics amongst us loved every second of all that.
The two concluding parts are told from two separate points of view, Stuart's aspect and then Stevie's, and we get to see how each step of the puzzle fits together. With outstanding performances from Doug and Lucy, and the guest stars Bill Ward and Michael Hodgson, and fantastic support from DCI Jack Meadows (Simon Rouse), DI Neil Manson (Andrew Lancel), DC Jo Masters (Sally Rogers) who have all achieved legendary status amongst the fans, and not forgetting DC Grace Dasari (Amita Dhiri) and TDC Will Fletcher (Gary Lucy).... these four episodes delivered on everything, tension, story, acting, the lot...proving that The Bill has got its mojo back...and even if flashback is a slightly cheesy device, if that's the quality you can deliver, we want more of it. Trust me, a small deluge of fanfic and increased interest in TB can only result!
Anyway... no more TB until New Year's Eve....*sniffs*... leaving me just the joys of Midsomer Murders (Causten must be the safest market town in the UK... no one dies if they live in Causten) and Dr Who, plus my sizeable collection of DVDs to get through until then.
So the theory is, that I will roll up my sleeves and dig into all the writing and editing that I've been carefully and cheerfully avoiding doing. My time on Authonomy is going to be limited going forward. I will do as I have said, update my chapters of Cats, Custard and Consequences, possibly take down Half Light, certainly work on it. Work on my short story, work on Domina (heaven alone knows where that one is going to go!?) and generally do a bit of grooming and de-frag this old battleship of a laptop because it gets slower every day.
Authonomy has been an amazing, and for the most part, fun ride, where I have met some truly amazing, talented, and thoroughly wonderful people. It has enriched my life and friendship circle, but not done (I suspect) a whole lot for my dream of getting published. I've learnt a lot though. Not the least that trolls do exist... you will meet quite a lot of them in Authonomy, while some of them may actually just be yanking your chain, some of them have missed the essential truism, that in there they are just like all the rest of us, wannabes stalking that coveted top five slot for the Editors' Desk. Anyway, Richard, Simon, Simon, MM, Abu, Ali, Kate, Gina, Gillian, Oli, Alexander, Cutley, Jobo, Sian, Sharon, PJ, Dave, Ed, April, Heikki, Annia, Jak, Lexi, AJ, Hannah, Corinna, Philip, Merlin, William, Alice, Bigfoot, Kylyra, Bob, Diane, Lauri, KR, Kimberley, Windy, Gar, Robb, Katrina, Liam, Patty, MacDibble, Colt, Jase, Amethyst, Miranda, Sandrine, Ginger and Shark Bait (in no particular order).. I salute you all .... for making my time on Auth worthwhile, and laughing at my ms and not just at my punctuation.... and for giving me fantastic books to read, be wowed by and generally fall in love with.
And I shouldn't forget my friends in all this, especially the ones who have stuck by my torrent of writing and given me the necessary push to stick my head above the parapet and do something about the dream instead of just moaning about it. So cheers and lurrvvvve to Pam, Danielle, Sofia, Laura M, Lucy, Alan, and special hugs to my mate Tash, who is as talented as she is loveable... all of you are amazing and I love all of you to bits.... spesh my little muse.... and my twin goddesses of wickedness... and Christopher, Pauli, Sheila and Timmi! Then there are the wonderful published ladies, Lorelei, Philippa, Julie, Nell, Catherine and Rosie...
So Merry Christmas to you all... I love all of you guys.... and now I'm gushing mostly because I started writing this at midnight and it's now two a.m.
Monday, 22 December 2008
Cake, Custard and Cowpats
No, this is not a new cookbook by the superb Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall (though I would buy it if he wrote it). Instead, it is a user's guide to these three essential ingredients of comedy.
The cake is brought to you, rather squishily since he appears to keep it in his pockets, by the erudite and cultivated Mr. Anthony Saunders, who I sincerely hope has not been eaten by his dog. (Post updated to confirm that Anthony is safe and well. Just as well, really. I knew a lurcher who once took down a deer and was snacking off it for days, unbeknownst to its owner, during which time the farmer, unbeknownst to the dog, sprayed the entire field including the deer with a substance that was not intended to be kind to the outsides of deer or the insides of lurchers.)
The custard is courtesy of the charming Ms. S. J. Heckscher-Mockingbird (no relation, to my knowledge, of the aforementioned Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall, despite the understandable confusion between their names). Its protagonist is, I fear, just the sort of dignity-free zone who would keep cake in his pockets.
The cowpat is even more distinguished than those which adorn Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall's fields, supplied to us as it is by my esteemed celestial correspondent St. Eustace.
A little-known fact about St. Eustace, as recorded on his Wikipedia entry, is that he is one of the patron saints of Madrid. Keefie, Paul, Hannah and any other expats out there in Spain - I recommend you read your patron saint's offering without delay, lest he smite you with a thunderbolt (or worse still, with a cowpat). Another little-known fact recorded in the same place is that St. E. is "completely fabulous". The same could be applied to all three of these books.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This intriguing public service broadcast has been brought to you by Mr Abu El Banat... who forms part of a select coterie of esteemed persons on Authonomy.... he's a Reader... (bless you love....), and was simply too good to miss!
Besides what would Christmas be without a cowpat or two....
The cake is brought to you, rather squishily since he appears to keep it in his pockets, by the erudite and cultivated Mr. Anthony Saunders, who I sincerely hope has not been eaten by his dog. (Post updated to confirm that Anthony is safe and well. Just as well, really. I knew a lurcher who once took down a deer and was snacking off it for days, unbeknownst to its owner, during which time the farmer, unbeknownst to the dog, sprayed the entire field including the deer with a substance that was not intended to be kind to the outsides of deer or the insides of lurchers.)
The custard is courtesy of the charming Ms. S. J. Heckscher-Mockingbird (no relation, to my knowledge, of the aforementioned Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall, despite the understandable confusion between their names). Its protagonist is, I fear, just the sort of dignity-free zone who would keep cake in his pockets.
The cowpat is even more distinguished than those which adorn Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall's fields, supplied to us as it is by my esteemed celestial correspondent St. Eustace.
A little-known fact about St. Eustace, as recorded on his Wikipedia entry, is that he is one of the patron saints of Madrid. Keefie, Paul, Hannah and any other expats out there in Spain - I recommend you read your patron saint's offering without delay, lest he smite you with a thunderbolt (or worse still, with a cowpat). Another little-known fact recorded in the same place is that St. E. is "completely fabulous". The same could be applied to all three of these books.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This intriguing public service broadcast has been brought to you by Mr Abu El Banat... who forms part of a select coterie of esteemed persons on Authonomy.... he's a Reader... (bless you love....), and was simply too good to miss!
Besides what would Christmas be without a cowpat or two....
Monday, 15 December 2008
The Art of Ninja Plugging....
or please read my book again....Cats, Custard and Consequences, contrary to some people's belief, this isn't a recipe, it's a romantic comedy. Half Light on the other hand is a romantic crime thriller....freshly updated, I put up Chapter Six only yesterday. It's still a rough cut, but we're getting there.
While I'm at it, I very much would like to recommend Annia's Fish Tail Mountain, Heikki's Tulagi Hotel and Shah's Haggis, An unusual name for a cat, all three are wonderful and well worth your attention.
If you have children and would like something for the holidays, Little Mr Poonlop's Seventh Holiday might just tickle your fancy... Dai has even created a website where you can download it, print it off, fill it with your own illustrations.... Now there's service for you.
Of Honest Fame... now if you're an Alexander Kent girl like me (or even a Bernard Cornwell girl)..... Of Honest Fame ticks all those tight breeches' fantasy boxes.... I've always had a big jones for historical adventure and this one is it, or try The Fifth Kingdom for another strong historical literary fiction that breaks boundaries....
Ali's beautiful and romantic, The Girl On The Swing is equally unmissable. If you've got children, or know someone who has, the newest self help manual, with a dose of reality and humour on the side, Ed's Playstations and Pooh is hard to beat. If the children are a bit older...Simon has it all sewn up with Kip Doodle and the Armchair of Lost Dreams, remember, you saw it here first...!
While I'm at it, I very much would like to recommend Annia's Fish Tail Mountain, Heikki's Tulagi Hotel and Shah's Haggis, An unusual name for a cat, all three are wonderful and well worth your attention.
If you have children and would like something for the holidays, Little Mr Poonlop's Seventh Holiday might just tickle your fancy... Dai has even created a website where you can download it, print it off, fill it with your own illustrations.... Now there's service for you.
Of Honest Fame... now if you're an Alexander Kent girl like me (or even a Bernard Cornwell girl)..... Of Honest Fame ticks all those tight breeches' fantasy boxes.... I've always had a big jones for historical adventure and this one is it, or try The Fifth Kingdom for another strong historical literary fiction that breaks boundaries....
Ali's beautiful and romantic, The Girl On The Swing is equally unmissable. If you've got children, or know someone who has, the newest self help manual, with a dose of reality and humour on the side, Ed's Playstations and Pooh is hard to beat. If the children are a bit older...Simon has it all sewn up with Kip Doodle and the Armchair of Lost Dreams, remember, you saw it here first...!
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